Harshi Pannala Q3 #1 - Off the Pedestal
Positions of power have an undoubtably vital role in our society. Ranging from the President to reality TV stars, they influence citizens in a frankly scary way. However, those are just figures moving around on the screen—yes, I know they are real human beings, but I don’t know them. The real perpetrators of influencing my mind are the people I see everyday. My mom, the cross guard, my teachers, and classmates. These people have the utmost power.
I try to think of myself as a pretty individualistic person, not easily swayed by the opinions of others. My subconscious has other plans though. It analyzes everyone’s face meticulously to find out exactly how I am being perceived by those around me. Their furrowed brows show that they think I am weird and make no sense. A chuckle accompanied by an open smile means I have successfully made them laugh. My brain has spent far too long trying to understand what others think of me than I would like to admit. Why have I placed other people’s opinions of me on a pedestal and why does that pedestal seem so far out of my reach?
A need for constant approval has overtook the reins of my life. The cashier’s “Have a good day!” confirms I’ve done my duty as a tolerable customer—even though it’s probably a part of their job requirement. A friend’s silence sends me into investigation mode: Did I forget to respond to a text? Did I make them sad? Was my tone off? One awkward glance in the hallway and I’m basically a referee rewinding the game film, but only I can get flagged (sorry I talk about football a lot).
The power I witness in my day-to-day life are not from those chaotic White House press conferences, but rather from the facial expressions of everyone I see in-person. Power doesn’t need to yell, it just has to raise its eyebrows a little for my confidence to drop to Earth’s core.
I need to remember that just like those freshmen who like to hit me with their backpacks, I have some power. It’s important that I don’t abandon it. Then, maybe just maybe, I won’t act like a mind-reader 24/7.
These are the images running through my head when I spiral.
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ReplyDeleteHarshi, I think I want to start by saying this was a very "powerful" blog (hahaha). I found it enjoyable to read, and extremely relatable. You pointing out the effect of the people you see everyday invited me to think about the most impactful people in my life—most of whom I see at least once a week. I loved your second paragraph for multiple reasons: the first one being that I found it relatable, as I too think of myself as someone who isn't swayed by what others think, but I also loved this paragraph for the way you wrote it. The " A chuckle accompanied by an open smile means I have successfully made them laugh" sentence stood out to me; I found it extremely well written and extremely relatable. Similar to you, I often find myself observing reactions of others and how they perceive me. I also appreciated the humor incorporated throughout your blog—namely the line regarding a cashier's job requirements. I think the most resonant part—to me at least—was the "Was my tone off" because I always am paranoid about whether or not I said something in a tone or manner that I did not intend.Overall, I found your piece relatable in many ways.
ReplyDeleteOH ALSO, I too talk about football way too much; I'm literally writing this comment during the Bills game. What are you takes for the weekend? I have the Bills, Niners (I pray), Patriots, and the Rams.
Harshi, reading this reminds me of how grateful I am for Blogger and this outlet for peers to write what is true to them. I’ve always thought of you as a strong person, like the individual you try to think that you are—I never knew I actually related to you on this level. Though I can’t write with the same powerful clarity you can, especially with that line about “rewinding the game film,” I am pretty much one and the same as you on the topic of idolizing what people could think of me and every single public action that I make. Sometimes I forget that people have to care about themselves first, before analyzing my breathing. In turn, for living a life so far where all I’ve worried about is others’ perceptions, I’ve come to realize that I am not fulfilling the life I dream of. I’m simply not living for myself this way—and even if I do attain some perfect image for myself, it will probably only be in appearance, for the eyes of others. So, perhaps like you, I will wield some of my power to not care.
ReplyDeleteI am absolutely delighted I get to read your blogs this semester and I already love how comedic but real you are in your writing. It’s all very relatable—the way you describe these social expressions, tones, and silence that plague our enjoyment of life. Don’t hit me with your backpack though. Also, I can’t wait for more football references, because the ones you make are simply genius…
Hi Harshi! I like how you’ve taken the theme and written about it in a way aside from the typical expectations regarding large scale political power. Even then, parallels can clearly be drawn. I enjoyed reading the way you humorously detail your deliberated social interactions whilst also making an impactful point regarding the important subtleties of public behavior. It’s something that, subconsciously or not, affects all of us—it’s important to discuss. Not only can one individual make a big change politically, as is the mission of this country, but every individual already exerts their power over the ones around them. I’ve often been told that my neutral expression looks like I’m glaring, and every so often I remind myself to keep my own power in check.
ReplyDeleteAlso, my favorite line of your blog is where you write “power doesn’t need to yell.” I think it’s a very powerful—pun not intended—sentiment.