Shriram | Week 10 | I'm Going to Trust You Okay?
Whenever you become close with someone, you choose to give them a degree of power over you.
Still, I trust my judgement—and it’s not so intimidating a deal once you realize its true nature. Yes, it is power you give and are given in return, but really it’s a responsibility. Nobody considers themselves willing to exert power over a loved one, but many would go out of their way to take care of them. That’s not a force or obligation, but a repeated, intentional choice.
Being American, individualism has always been treasured. It manufactured the American mindset that loudly proclaimed “nobody can take from me, and I will take from nobody.” This is often regarded as the ultimate goal, especially for children who have yet to form deep relationships with those outside their family.
It’s likely part of why some are still afraid of being vulnerable: relying on others is inherently deep. Even if briefly, your emotional state is revealed to and placed in the hands of someone else; It’s out of your sole control. Undoubtedly, there is a fear of being exploited, but I believe that the clash of emotional intimacy with fiercely self-sufficient ideals is a significant deterrent. It was for me.
Today, however, I find the idea beautiful. Sometimes we may trust others enough to allow them such a high degree of influence over ourselves. That others may do the same for us is something to cherish. It is the highest degree of compliment.
Sometimes I can see this influence manifest in others. I’ve often been told that my friends start to sound like me after too long—and vice versa. I don’t mind; after all, I love them enough to let them influence me. I’m sure they don’t either.
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| some of the most powerful people i know! |
Being Indian, family relations have always been treasured. However, as is the case with most Indians I know, our families aren’t always the most compromising, even if they try to be. I think progressive ideals (and, once again, individualism) can cause rifts in this expected family dependency, and I’ve recently become witness to a new type of primary social unit that young adults depend on: friends (yes, really).
Of course my parents have friends. But as immigrants, I rarely see them talk. Instead, to them, family has become the only social unit that matters. Whether it be nuclear or extended family, the premise stays the same: the people you’re born with are the people you stay with. Lately, however, with students growing up and staying in the US as well as with increasing interconnectedness due to technology, we are no longer as limited in our connections.
I love my friends, and I plan on staying in touch with them for as long as I can. I plan on having friends to lean on for as long as I can. If anything, I’m so self-assured I can put parts of myself into others’ hands with faith, and if they ever need anything, I’ll be there. More than power, that’s trust.
Shriram, I enjoyed this read and I feel your blog carried lots of perspective. Your first line invited me to think about my closest friends, and the extent to which I trust them. I then started thinking about how trust is so different and how many levels there are to it.
ReplyDeleteI agree to the idea that trusting someone is beautiful. The part of your blog about how your friends start to sound like you is extremely relatable, and there's even research about how minds start thinking/responding the same after spending so much time together. Personally speaking, Ashish and I have a running inside joke of how we respond to situations in the exact same way, and constantly find ourselves saying the exact same thing verbatim—regardless of it be in person or online. This part of our friendship really fascinates me. Slightly tangential, but I think I'll go further with my sharing of Ashish; last year during our The Lord of the Flies part of English, Ms. Wilkinson had projects, and one of the groups planned a game. The game concluded; Ashish and I ended up winning. After, they posed a question: "Why did you win?" Ashish answered by simply sharing that he trusted me, and just listened to my instruction. I kind of got off topic here, but the point I am trying to make is that once you spend enough time with someone, you trust them so much that the trust becomes blind. You don't fact check or have any doubt, so I fully agree with that claim that this is beautiful. I feel really grateful to have friends that trust me in this way.
I feel like I do have more to say but I fear my comment has already exhausted itself. Thank you for sharing a piece that sparked so much self-reflection.
P.S. I like the photo you chose. it's vibes.
Your blog is something that I can appreciate and relate to. The importance friends hold, not only as company but as a support system is so important.
ReplyDeleteAs I began my teen years, my transparency in my relationship with my parents had slowly decreased. While I am now, partially, comfortable being open with my parents I am grateful for my friends who have stuck by me through all these years. Having friends that I can relate with on different aspects of life really help me put things in perspective and allow me to express certain parts of myself that I would not have been able to with anyone else.
As you had mentioned, the development of technology has definitely allowed people to feel more comfortable in new circumstances. Even though they may feel alienated I think having a direct connection to their heritage gives them the confidence to continue forward. Alongside trust it’s important to have faith. I find that faith is the seed that sprouts in to trust and the two go hand in hand.
I overall really enjoyed your blog and seeing a more personal side of you and your life.
Shriram, I thought the captioned image you provided was very touching. Our friends are definitely powerful people in our lives—in that we’ve relied on them, trusted them, and entwined their selves with ours as our personalities have become interlaced throughout friendship. The sort of power they hold over us is truly astounding, considering how close we may become through secret jokes, experiences, and the like, and the trust needed to keep these bonds intact as a result.
ReplyDeleteI was surprised when you mentioned the “fear of being exploited,” not like a “this isn’t a logical flow of ideas” sort of surprise, but rather because I have held that fear with me for a long, long time even with my friend group of several years. It was a bit startling to see this put into writing. The intimacy you describe as a deterrent relieved some of this tense fear in my heart, and I’m grateful to you for this. I’ve always been a bit paranoid about how much power—well, trust—that I leave with my friends but in this way, I see that our raw bond is worth being vulnerable with them. Thank you!