Tanisha Madhukar - Blog 10 - Dear Diary
Disclaimer: Please do not judge my younger self, I was quite an odd and dramatic child.
August 27, 2019
Dear Diary,
Today is the last day of summer. I’m a bit sad because [name] got Mrs. K but it’ll be okay. It’s the last day of summer so I don’t have much time but I can’t wait to see my friends and teachers. PLUS I got super cute SS (school supplies)! I can’t wait! I’m thinking of a good school year ahead of me.
November 26, 2023
Dear Diary,
I’m a freshman in high school now. So far it has been okay but I’ve definitely been challenged. I have 2 B’s right now and I usually don’t get B’s. I’m trying to bring them up but honestly I think I’m not trying hard enough.
February 22, 2024
Dear Diary,
I’m pretty stressed right now. I have a test tomorrow and I feel completely unprepared for it. I have so much pressure on myself right now. I’ve been behind on assignments lately and I’m sure it’s bad for my grade. I kinda wanna cry.
February 28, 2024
Dear Diary,
I have a C in math right now. I thought I did really well on my last test. I wish I was better at taking tests. It comes so easy to [name] I wish I was more like her. I get so stressed out it feels like there is something physically sitting on my chest.
Present Day
Dear Diary,
I’m no longer scared of the letters on a page or the percentage of my test. While I do find them important I understand now they are not my true calling. I no longer ponder late at night the things I’ve missed and the plethora of “what-ifs.” As I sit in my bed in the middle of the night trying to put together what I’m trying to say I have realized I do not owe it to anyone to be perfect, especially not myself.
Love, Tanisha
Tanisha, I'd like to start put light to how creative and unique your blog is. I think it's interesting you found old entries from your personal diary and highlighted parts of them for our biweekly assignment. I will also say that don't think anyone is judging you, especially not your younger self; we have all changed so much as we've grown older, so I don't think anyone will have any criticisms of you.
ReplyDeleteStarting with your first entry, I found it extremely nostalgic, because I completely forgot about the rush to and scan the list of names on the office window, in search of your name and whose class you got placed into. I remember how overjoyed I was after being placed into the same class as my best friend three years in a row, and then how inconsolable I was when they finally split us up.
Your second and third entries remind me of the highschool jump (more like leap) and how busy school felt all of a sudden. It feels insulting to even call freshman year busy, as now almost all of us are drowning in APs and Honors classes.
Your fourth entry—I definitely relate to. I too sometimes struggle with tests, and am envious to those who for find ease in navigating mcqs.
Your final entry is genuinely so true. I wholeheartedly believe that we are not defined by a letter or percentage, and that the learning is so much more important than the grade.
Overall, I enjoyed reading your blog. Thank you for eliciting so much nostalgia!
Hi Tanisha, I love the format of your blog. Having actual diary entries is not only creative and entertaining, but presents a very authentic sense of self. This clearly and accurately represents the way you used to think, as you wrote about it over the course of two years. I also think your blog tackles a very important subject: academic pressure. In elementary school, in my experience, there was never any stress to do well in school, but it all compounds pretty quickly starting freshman year. I think your blog does an incredible job of showing how what used to merely be a slight concern has the potential to make us miserable.
ReplyDeleteIn the end, I like that you recognize the value of living in the present and living with yourself. Nobody is or can be perfect, and, in my experience, those who seem to be so often sacrifice much more than we could imagine. I consider myself lucky that I am capable of receiving bad grades. In a sense, I believe the roughness of junior year has even helped me deal with this issue: having difficult classes means that not performing perfectly is okay, even if that realization was handed out roughly.
Tanisha, as others have pointed out, your blog format is very cool! I’m all for different styles of posts and I found your blog creative, yet incredibly insightful and a meaningful way of presenting your thoughts for the week! Seeing the dates progress leave me with a sense of loss for the simpler lives we once lived, but I like that your latest entry aligns with “Present Day”—I thought that was a nice touch in expressing your growth from then ‘til today. Your jump from silly abbreviations and a fleeting summer to being in high school with high stakes on earning the best grades speaks volumes, and I can very well relate to this. After the pandemic, time has felt fast-forwarded ever since. So, remembering what fifth grade me did up until walking into classes at American was a complete blur. The gap you portrayed here captures this feeling so well, and this is another reason why I love your diary style!
ReplyDeleteBeing completely exposed in writing to your dearest diary allows for the most bare expression of ideas and the mounting stress you’ve illustrated feels as real as if I wrote these entries myself. I’ve been there with getting so stressed with comparing my achievements to my peers, especially friends most similar to myself. Envy is a natural thing, and it always rises when you’d least like it to; it makes viewing your peers’ progress as something you are constantly competing against. It strikes especially hard with people with practically your circumstances, who simply did it better. I’m glad that you’ve laid your “‘what-ifs’” to rest and have recognized that living with imperfections is perfectly fine. Self love should be essential for us as students under overwhelming pressure to succeed, and you’ve demonstrated this so well here.
Hi Tanisha! I probably should have guessed from your title that your blog was, in fact, going to be a diary (and not a blog about diaries), but I love how the diary entries being in chronological order allow for progressive storytelling. Also, I can definitely relate to the 4+ year gap between diary entries; I am notoriously bad at remembering to put entries in and have started new diaries at least three times…
ReplyDeleteThe self-deprecations of “I’m not trying hard enough” and “it comes so easy to [them]” hit me hard. It’s so easy to get trapped in the cycle of making harmful comparisons to others, and I’m glad you were able to pull yourself out of it and realize that your failures are not what define you as a person. As bad as a low test grade feels, taking math tests are no one’s “true calling;” therefore, it should not be expected that everyone should enjoy and excel at it as much as the next person.
I love how you ended the whole blog with “Love, Tanisha”—it suggests that the final entry brought you closure to the situation and you were able to come to terms with yourself.