Tanisha Madhukar - Blog 13 - First is the worst, Second is the best…
Being a younger sibling means missing out on a lot of core family memories.
Before I was born my parents and older brother lived in 3 states, 12 cities, and 14 different homes. How one family can move so much in six years, I will never know. However, this has made recalling family memories rather disconnected for me.
For example, when we decide where to go on family vacations many of my ideas are shut down because my family had already visited the place before I was born. Or, we’ll be talking one evening and my parents will bring up these memories of my brother as a child, but when they talk about me, all of sudden their memory becomes foggy.
It is not entirely their fault though, they’re getting older, and my brother was their first child. You always remember your firsts, but why can’t we remember the second.
Nobody ever remembers the second; the second person to come to America, the second person to create a painting during the renaissance, the second person to shoot the bullet. It’s always the first.
It really makes you wonder, how many firsts are left in the world? It’s not long before revolutionary things become ordinary to the public’s eye.
I’m not trying to rant about being a younger sibling, nor would I trade the place, and the stability, I grew up with. Even so, the lack of communal memories with my family has encouraged me to close that gap.
Although I cannot change the past I can control my future. Even with the missed memories I can continue to make new ones with the people I love, and I’m so excited for them to come.
Tanisha, I relate—your first line especially. Although I am super grateful to be a younger sibling—and I definitely wouldn’t trade with my brother—sometimes I find it unfair that he’s experienced events that I haven’t. Although not nearly as much as your family, my parents and brother lived life (ok obviously but stay with me), and they met loads of relatives before I was even imagined. Meeting those same relatives now, I can never relate to they’re “remember when” conversations. The “Oh no, you weren’t born yet” does not help.
ReplyDeleteBUZZ ALDRIN. A bit random, yes. But I’ve made it a point to remember the second person to walk the moon haha. Your point definitely still stands and I think we, as a society, should put more effort in giving credit to not just the firsts, but also second and thirds.
In response to your question about “how many firsts,” I feel like there is still a lot, infinital tbh. There’s always going to be progress, and humanity is always going to try and better itself, so I feel like the perspective of what is revolutionary is going to keep on changing, giving way for more firsts, if that makes sense.
I respect your final paragraph, and I’m glad you’re able to stay optimistic through your past. Thank you for that insightful read!
As a younger sibling myself, I honestly never thought about the memories my family had before I was born—as a result, I enjoyed reading your perspective; it opened my eyes to how others’ experiences can vary so vastly from my own. My sister is three years older than me, and in that time, my parents came from India to the states where they also moved around. After reading your blog, I thought about what it must have been like in Pune (where my family lived in India). I think the fact that me and my sister are pretty close in age definitely impacts my view; my parents didn’t go all over the place before I was born.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line in your blog is when you note that once “revolutionary” accomplishments may become seen as “ordinary.” I love this line because it can be applied to so many circumstances. As you said, parents may remember more of their first child than their second, but it’s also a great way of summarizing the tense culture that surrounds expectations parents have for their children. We aren’t the first in our family to be successful and make it to America—our parents beat us to it—and we aren’t the first students to be academically successful—once prestigious achievements have become normalized. As a result, while I will always love being the second child (and having my sister as a built-in best friend), the consequences of not being first are certainly real. Despite all of this, it’s important to remember: you are the first, and only, of yourself.
Hi Tanisha! As the oldest child, I was initially not thrilled to read your blog because I thought it was just about younger siblings' problems, which I tend to dismiss because my little sister’s complaints are too nonsensical. However, I am really glad I read your blog because it was so much more than that.
ReplyDeleteWhen you wrote “nobody ever remembers the second,” I thought about it for a while. Even if the action is so marvelous, being the second person to do it and not the first almost diminishes the value of it, which is upsetting.
Another quote that became a topic to think about during my physics class—I will literally do anything but physics—was “it’s not long before revolutionary things become ordinary.” This may not have been exactly what you were referring to but when I read that I thought about the crazy technological advancements society has accomplished in recent years. Yes, it is awesome and impactful but now it has put everyone on a whole new playing field, one I am not confident I can make a recognizable contribution to. It scares me but it's also inevitable I suppose.
To relate this back to your younger sibling mentality, I think that even though your family did various activities with your brother before you were born after you came into this world even ordinary things seem new. For your parents it might have been having to handle another child, which is not easy at all. And for your brother, each experience could now be encountered with a friend. My point is even if something has already happened before you were born it is completely different with you there the second time.
Firstly---I think this is the hardest I’ve ever related to a blog post so far this year. I too am a younger sibling, who was born exactly eighteen years after my older brother so I missed out on so many eras and events within my whole family. Every time I see old photos of our house, I can hardly imagine the place ever looking so different. I think we’ve all grappled with the idea that there are not many firsts left in the world. It used to be something I thought about all the time since so many people became famous or successful (by society’s standards) by being “the first” at something. But I think it’s just up to us to examine why we value the first so much. I appreciate your positive conclusion, here’s wishing you make more beautiful memories!
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