Alex Francavilla - Week 15 - So I Could Learn How To Avoid It

 

I wish you didn’t know me.

I wouldn’t have to worry myself to death

Over the smallest trivialities

That you definitely don’t notice

Because I know when you don’t

Do I really have to prove myself

Again and again

I just want you to truly understand.


I wish you didn’t know me.

So you wouldn’t get the wrong idea of me

I wouldn’t have to handpick neurons from my brain

To divvy up among everyone

“You can get a couple of the standard ones

and a handful that just says ‘Do Not’
I’ve got too many of those”

I’m unwillingly hiding most of them.


I wish you didn’t know him.

Because he isn’t the one in charge

At least not anymore

At best he’s the brawns of this whole operation

Barely even suitable to be seen

But you wouldn’t know

You met him at a business conference

It’s a wonder you didn’t realize his business card

Was just his name hastily drawn in green crayon

On the back of a Pokémon card

He doesn’t belong here.


I wish you didn’t know him.

There’s so much I could do without him

You couldn’t even fathom it

You couldn’t even fathom me.

The godly powers I have

I would be so, so, free

So in control of my immortal being.


I wish you didn’t know him.

For your own good

The few that have seen even parts of my divine figure

But none of him

Were the first true Enlightened

And he was enthralled

And We were enthralled

The Enlightened don’t know him

And he’s better that way

But you know him.

Him.


I wish he wasn’t.

But every single time I finally think I have him

I can finally

Be

He comes around and fucks it all up

God, sometimes the shit he does pisses me off more than you do

He’s so damn insufferable

And that goddamn stupid smile.

He doesn’t deserve to smile like that

He doesn’t know

You don’t know

Only 

I

Know.

I might finally have him now.












            and the universe said I love you




            and the universe said I love you because





                                                                             you are love.














I’m glad you don’t know me.

So you don’t get disgusted 

Disgusted by our skin burned by Hydra venom

My divine half still attached despite the pyre I built

The egg cracked once

And then shattered

For a broken chrysalis spills its innards

Perhaps

I wouldn’t be without him

Perhaps We wouldn’t be

Perhaps.

Comments

  1. Harshi PannalaApril 21, 2026 at 6:04 PM

    Hi Alex! When I was reading your blog I left like I was being exposed to a new side of you. The first paragraph or stanza, maybe, was relatable. Once I actually care about a person to some extent I become overly conscious of what I’m doing and how I’m acting. I wish I didn’t care so much about how someone else perceived me because the hand-picking of neurons, like you mentioned, is exhausting.
    I interpreted the blog through the lens of jealousy, but let me know if you intended for it to be seen in a different way. The introduction of him was hilarious. The jabs you took at this unidentified person had me chuckling. The pokemon business card line is actually comedic gold—kudos for coming up with that. I will strive for such creative retorts when I encounter my nemesis next (perhaps I need to get a nemesis first which is actually a minor goal I have). The next section where you began portraying yourself as a powerful entity highlighted the seething jealousy. “Can’t have him overshadow me, so I guess I’ll just adopt a godlike identity” is an interesting mentality, but whatever protects the ego.
    The ending was also relatable in a way. The individual I find infuriating is somehow always there at the perfect moments and saying the perfect things and I just look like a chud on the side. Sigh. It’s fine I too will show off my “godly powers”—not sure what those are yet, but I’ll figure it out soon enough.
    WAIT. I just realized there was more since I scrolled all the way down. OK wow. So my interpretation is he is actually important because the “divine” part and the “insufferable” part are of one whole and therefore cannot be separate. I would love to discuss this more in class and get your input more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alex FrancavillaApril 22, 2026 at 7:41 PM

      Thanks for the comment! Although I do apologize for the inconsistent spacing that led you to miss the last section of my blog, I actually found it quite interesting that, from a non-author perspective, "he" and "me" don't actually appear to be two parts of something greater until the last paragraph. I also appreciate your altered perspective that they "cannot be separate," I think it summarizes your understanding quite concisely.

      Delete
  2. ShriramApril 22, 2026 at 5:26 PM

    Hi Alex! Firstly, wow. This poem was gripping to read for the first time and gripping to read for the second time and even more gripping the third time. I have high hopes for my fourth time around… but seriously, this piece is incredible. Of course, I don’t know if my interpretation is as you intended the poem to be understood, but I saw “him” as a glimpse at yourself, or a dominant part of your (or the author’s) identity that they don’t like. “Me,” on the other hand, is a truer reflection of yourself, and reconciling those two can bring conflict. I love how you convey emotion in your writing through your repetition and metaphors regarding your immortal being, as well as how you reveal the depth of the conflict through the contrast between “you know[ing] me” and “you don’t know.”

    In the first section of the poem, I understood “me” and “him” to be two entities that you wished to distinguish from one another. In the final section, however, it seems to me that they are understood as a whole, as “We.” I see that as the beginning of an acknowledgement of “him,” despite his flaws. I really really like this poem, Alex.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alex FrancavillaApril 22, 2026 at 8:13 PM

      But how about...wait for it...the fifth time around!?
      I'm glad you mentioned my repetition; aside from the obvious first stanza repetition, I didn't realize how much I had deliberately written repetition in the dialogue of "me." Your observation of "truer reflection of [my]self" also adds a lot to your interpretation.
      Even there are so many references and nuances and deliberations absolutely jam packed in my blog this week, I will try to stay true to "the death of the author" in terms of literary analysis and spectate rather than steer the discussions :) (do keep in mind though that I did not write every single word deliberately; the greatest mystery is that with no creator)

      Delete
  3. Lara Reyes-TerryApril 22, 2026 at 8:50 PM

    Alex, I’m going to eat your blog, this is a threat (not actually).

    I’m a super tactile person and I like to have physical access to things I really like (printing out stuff, making models of it, having physical books, etc). I wanted to print this poem out and really dig into it but I did not have the time for that unfortunately (I will at some point, and it will be decorated to a similar extent as the articles we analyzed earlier this year). Also, please tell me I’m not crazy, is “and the universe said I love you” an allusion to the Minecraft end poem? I digress, but I really wanted to call out the use of imagery throughout your poem. Your language is both sparse in detail, but also so full of it. One of my favorites, yes it’s the Pokemon card line, I couldn't help but laugh the first time I saw it. And how the “egg cracked once / And then shattered” and the description onward is so juicy. Thank you for this piece of divine (ha get it) work, 11/10, five star meal, please put more on the table we are hungry. But seriously, I loved this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alex FrancavillaApril 22, 2026 at 10:11 PM

      And the cycle of consumption perpetuates.

      I'm surprised y'all liked the Pokemon card line so much! Looking back at my edit history, I added it randomly at 9:15 in the middle of that stanza and barely touched it again, so it was definitely more on the spontaneous side of additions. I also appreciate you pointing out my "sparce yet full" imagery; I actually don't truly know what gravitates me towards that style of poetry, as a lot of my older poems from the quarantine time read very similarly. And YES that is the Minecraft end poem!!

      Delete

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