Emily Nguyen, Week #16: 8 days
Deafening music and a sea of flashlights all around
The second day of school in 7 hours, yet I’m still out here early morning
What’s to say about this year’s work ethic?
Club handling, hours on a hot field, a new instrument—sign me up!
Studying habits nowhere to be found; I was just born for this!
Though,
Bonding through the most intense classes, we made many new friends
Unfamiliar faces span the fondest memories.
and I’d get by it just fine.
unlocking rusted gates won’t hurt me now.
Suddenly we’ve (I’ve) become much friendlier.
Now, I can pick apart my food without concern.
I laugh in all my classes. I didn’t know I missed this years past.
I’d only shut my eyes (for some shuteye).
Now I’ll surely miss all these people
Classmates, acquaintances, or friends?—
Strings attached themselves from me to you.
Whether I wanted it or not, I picked up a couple books along the way
With the natural community, and some toxic motivation
I’d heard and learned a thing or two about that thing,
That thing called Cheating.
It’s definitely cheating if you know all the answers before the test.
Not studying, no—this has to be Cheating.
It’s against my morals, the law, the way I am one with nature.
But it helped me so much. Why hadn’t I learned to Cheat sooner?
It’s not cheating myself, because I’m studying, after all.
Somehow, through hours of multicolored pens,
and endless stapling,
and memorizing our terrific bell times,
Semester 1 passed us right by. And without even looking back, save to mourn some grades,
We trudged on toward the faster lane: AP season.
I learned to Cheat well. Studying pays off, and I hadn’t ever known it.
Eventually,
My memory degraded.
Lots of lecturing was to be had with a busier me,
And I ran right through all the cones.
A bustling place, packed with the most prepared
Oh why, couldn’t I remember?
Why I had chosen not to study that niche little topic.
Across it all, I had so many hands reaching toward me
Faces familiar, and lending a grin or ear
How kind it was; smiles peeking from study nooks!
It was all so warm;
The eyes this time.
We had steadily grown, under the most acid of rain.
Our tender branching vines had touched so much
Hearts and minds entwining
All celebrating the end of our mad dash
—topped with 100 donut holes.
And I observed well.
Many cherishable moments, and pure humiliation at times, they had all amalgamated
Into a giant ball of sights and senses
I hope to bring it all forward.
I hope you’ll come with me, to poke at the sights beyond now
And we’ll drag our rhetorical knowledge begrudgingly along with us.
The ball jingles here and there
And hopefully you will still hear its ruckus. Far, far ahead.
Notes:
I don’t actually cheat!!
There were probably more donut holes than that.
I will really miss blogging, and I will especially miss all of you. Thank you all for an amazing last semester :-)
Emily/ Waterbottles, I loved this read. It was super cool to see you take on this new, or at least new to me, style of writing. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I found it extremely relatable and poetic.
ReplyDeleteI also did not know you decided to take on a new instrument in JUNIOR YEAR; I feel like this is both super cool and super brave.
Your line of how “unfamiliar faces span the fondest memories” is so true; I’m struggling to find words to intensify its relatability but I really feel that some of the most fun I have had this year was with people I would not consider myself “close” to.
The “unlocking rusted gates” line is so poetic; I love it so much. My interpretation is that of reconnecting with old friends, which I think is super underrated. It feels weird to think about how there are people who we used to be super close with in the past, but now we struggle to even say hi to them in the hallways. I also loved the “ I didn’t know I missed this year's past” line; it makes me think about how I should have been more appreciative of the moment instead of trying to get to the end of the year.
Overall, I feel super lucky to have been placed in the same cohort as you for not just this semester but also the first. Your voice truly was a treat to read. Please never stop collecting waterbottles!!
I 100% agree that through the trials and tribulations that this year has presented us we have grown not only as individuals but together as well. Similar to yours, this year has pulled me out of my shell, allowing me to “laugh” with people I otherwise would never have talked with. It feels like we’re just starting to change, all while the year is ending. It is bittersweet yes, but it is also eye opening for what is to come.
ReplyDeleteRegarding what you said about cheating, I too have, at times, felt like it may be the only option. However from this year I have learned that no matter how hard you try to know everything, you don’t. It is physically impossible to know everything, if you do kudos to you but it’s really likely you don’t. I especially learned this concept in AP Lang, seeing despite late night study sessions and the endless amount of practice questions, there was always one question that I could not answer. This doesn’t mean that I’m okay with a low grade, I don’t believe many of us are, but I have come to terms with the fact that I am not a perfect being. We’re still growing and learning, and that is okay.
There are aspects of this class that I do not believe any of us can ever forget. The strenuous “rhetorical” annotations and tasty “donut holes” after our dreadful exams. Nothing can ever replace the trauma bond that this class has made, as with other classes as well. I hope that next year we won’t be strangers to one another, and continue to reminisce about this fruitful year.
Emily, your writing always impresses me. It’s sometimes slow, sometimes somber, and always thoughtful. I never rush through one of your blogs as I may be tempted to, and it’s always worth it to slow down and read whatever you’ve chosen to share.
ReplyDeleteA common theme among all of these last blogs is the community forged through this class. Without our classmates, without the idea that we all voluntarily signed up for this, and without the constant encouragement, I think it is safe to say that this class would have been incredibly rough. Even as is, it was rough in places. There have been times where all of us couldn’t remember.
I really like the line “I had so many hands reaching toward me.” It expresses the nature of community, especially in such an involved group such as our class. These connections are cherished no doubt, but the environment sort of forces us to become involved. Hands reach out no matter whose hands they may be or to whom they reach out, and the way you’ve written it illustrates perfectly both the helpfulness and slightly daunting nature of forming new connections.
At times, this class didn’t seem very kind. It seemed like lots of annotations and pages upon pages upon pages of work just to scrape by. But reading your blog made me reflect on the true value—warmth—of AP Lang: the people we are now. Closer, more insightful, more capable, and closer. Lovely blog as always.
Dear Emily,
ReplyDeleteSorry it took me this long to reply to your passionate letter 5 months ago. I've been preoccupied with troubling matters, and find this the appropriate time to respond.
I think you'd have a better time "cheating" if you were better equipped for it. Have you considered replacing your BIC Pens with Pilot G-7s? The efficacy of your "cheating" was heavily diminished by the methods of which you choose to commit to, that being writing with low-grade, polystyrene barrels. The writer is only as great as the pen, meaning all writers are capable of greatness except for BIC users.
I'm sure your hand, weathered by the months of cramming, will enjoy a pen with a more comfortable grip. BIC pens leave merely a pathetic trail on the paper, a lackluster performance expected of a lifeless pen. BIC pens, with a puny cap that eventually deforms so I hope this coming year you have a change of heart and realize that pilots will serve you well for a successful senior year. Good luck on your endeavors.
Sincerely,
Your dear advisor, Charlize
Your poem this week is absolutely beautiful. I absolutely love your deliberate conflation of “Cheating” and studying—like I always say, the most efficient way to cheat is to know all of your notes at the top of your head, because there is no crime more perfect than the one that cannot be seen. Those last few stanzas in particular were dripping with so much emotion, I love it :D
ReplyDeleteReading through your blog, I start to remember the joy found in the little habits and obligations scattered throughout this school year. The annotations were undoubtedly the scariest and most anxiety-inducing time of this year, but there was a kind of beauty in all the highlighting and circling and arrows and tiny chicken-scratch handwriting. And all the intense studying and preparations for tests so impactful, or unimpactful, to our grades that will be so impactful, or unimpactful, to our college applications. Ahh, that sweet, sweet, three point something something. And the teachers, classmates, friends, soulmates, every person’s smile and laugh and high-five was worth it all.
Please write more poems please!!! This was very enjoyable and if there’s one thing I take away from these blogs is that I want to write more poems and YOU should too!