Harshi Pannala Q4 #4 - The Stars of the Show
“Hey God, it’s Harshi again. I know you’re probably sick of me. Truly, I apologize for wasting your time
but please just tell me this: Did I make the most of this year?
…
No response. But it’s ok because I haven’t yet reached that level of transcendence yet.
BOOM! The insight reached me. All school year I had been saying that God was testing me. But I wasn’t being tested—ok maybe I was being tested because frankly this has been an insanely difficult year—rather I have been blessed.
I have to talk about the friendships I’ve been lucky enough to have to get me through the long study sessions and the scary Aeries notifications. Before junior year I had this false notion that good friends are evident only through grand gestures. They have to buy the biggest balloon for your birthday or spend hours making me a personalized scrapbook. While these are awesome and very much valid they are not the sole indicators of friendship. To me friendship is most clear in how Vachi calls me every day to check how I feel after a math test. How Safiya packs an extra Nutella sandwich for me because chocolate calms me. How Haylee checks if I want coffee since she knows I studied too late. How Arnav will call me at 2 a.m. if I seem upset. How Gabriella makes sure my opinion is heard in a group conversation that I zoned out from because I was anxious about school instead. How Archita hypes me up before any event, ensuring me my outfit is in fact spectacular. How Ranvir interrupts the ruckus in my head by making a terrible six-seven joke. How Kimaya reminds me that a study break is necessary, as we drive to Taco Bell. I could go on but the word limit only allows me to express so much. Just know I appreciate them tremendously so thank you God for the friends you have given me.
The little actions have redefined what I constitute as friendship and that discernment was possible due to the struggles we collectively faced this school year and how we showed up for each other. Being able to have developed close relationships as a product of this otherwise hellish year is something that I am beyond grateful for.
In conclusion, I cannot confirm nor deny whether I have made the most of this year—but I know for a fact that I am not the same girl who entered APENG wondering what a SPACECAT was. I can say with confidence I became more secure in who I am and my friendships serve as hardcore evidence of that. So, no, I don’t know what will happen senior year, but I am glad that junior year has provided me with some self-respect and friends to figure it out.
Harshi, I think I want to start by saying I enjoyed the style in which you wrote this blog. Your line about transcendence genuinely made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteI do also need to ask if you titled your blog in relation to the Prom theme or if it happened coincidentally.
Your larger paragraph about friendships was really fun to read. I will say I am deeply envious of your ability to be able to study in group settings as I simply cannot! Or, it is just super difficult, as I do not want to set absolutes as it is a goal of mine to learn to focus even when in social settings. I’m happy to see how grateful you are for your friends, and it kind of invites me to think about mine. Safiya’s action of packing an extra Nutella sandwich for you especially resonates with me; I think food is a form of love so to hear that she packs an extra sandwich for you is truly very wholesome to read. I do also want to take a second and agree that the six-seven jokes are indeed, undeniably, indisputably, terrible. And now I must ask, and I also plan on asking next time I see, but what is your Taco Bell order? I, for one, always, and I mean always, get the Fiesta Potatoes; there is something special about them that I cannot explain.
I think I also want to talk about how friendship has been redefined for you because I feel like for me, and honestly a high majority of us juniors, have also experienced that this year. Given that the year truly was(wow it feels good to say WAS) so busy, it restricted the amount of time I could spend socializing with my friends. However, this is not to say that friendships were broken; I think there was a collective realization of this trend, and it really showed me how strong some of my bonds are, as I did not have to constantly interact with someone to maintain a friendship. I guess this was a bit vague, but you understand what I am getting at.
To end this, I want to say I loved both the last line of your blog and the pictures you chose. Thank you for the blogs this semester!
I really enjoyed your blog this week because it reminded me of how important it is to have people who provide solid support during a year like this. Due to stress, there have been one too many times where I’ve been overwhelmed and broke down. However, having my friends to guide me through it and ground me has helped me grow as a person. I’m really happy that your friends have provided that safe space for you to grow and rejuvenate throughout this tough year.
ReplyDeleteThe way that your blog is structured reminds me of a popular trend going on right now. The person provides pictures alongside a trait their friend holds that they hope to have one day. I find this trend to be extremely sentimental and overall cute to watch and see how people are influenced. I fully believe that we are a sum of our parts, and our parts are from the people we surround ourselves with. In some way we are all connected that it’s so beautiful to see it all play out.
At the beginning of your blog you mentioned your initial interpretation of what a “good” friend constitutes, grand gestures and constant communication. I too, thought like this for a while, which led me down a very resentful and angry path. However I also made the same realization that you have and have grown to appreciate the little things. We often get so caught up with what is going on around us that we forget to stop and take a breath. With good friends, they act as that reminder. The reminder to slow down, and appreciate the present.
Harshi, I’m glad you wrote this blog. It discusses one of my favorite concepts to think (and therefore write) about—friendship. It’s great that you have friends who let you know they care about you through their actions; I think these small indicators of care are among the most important. Especially this year, as most of us didn’t have it incredibly easy (as you mentioned), it became more important than ever to weave a tighter-knit community with our friends to ensure that we’re all doing okay.
ReplyDeleteI also love your intro. I’m not incredibly religious, but I do find myself thinking that maybe god has blessed me for the many good things I have in my life. The way you reframe being tested as being blessed is something that I too have wondered: this year was truly an opportunity for me to either grow or regress into worse habits, and I’m thankful to have worked towards the former. We’re all going to be tested more in the future, and we’re all going to grow. It’s up to us to make sure that we do so in good company.
I really liked your blog this week.
Harshi, I am SO gonna miss reading your funny blogs. They’re super deep, but you always got this underlying sense of humor underneath that I can sense so well. I’ll really miss your sarcasm in things, and I pray that I still get the chance to talk to you next year. I’ve found that you kinda speak like this weathered, distant relative that watches over people with a careful eye, but is always endearing—like a warm grandma haha. In this way, the way you describe your friendships is so touching. It’s really beautiful. I think you’ve reached a sort of transcendence through your writing anyway.
ReplyDeleteI definitely relate to the thing with close friendships carrying us through this year. If I had to do it all alone, I think I’d pretty much go nuts. Being around such caring people has always lifted my spirits on days when the gods decided to strike me down with bad luck. Just off your description, your friends seem like the best people on the planet (might look into that testimony)! I know I might be a little repetitive here since my poem focused a lot on relationships, but, seriously, all the friends we’ve had supporting us through it all have made this year so fun despite everything.
And of course, I am really happy to consider you my friend as a product of this year too! Though we don’t chat too often, and though you might not even think of me that way, I’m really glad I was able to speak with you throughout our classes together! For this, I am totally grateful to junior year for letting our stars align. Now, let’s take our SPACECATs to senior year!!
Emily! Obviously I think of you as my friend, please don't say such scary things. I have something for you tomorrow actually.
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